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racinangel7
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Name: Ashley
Birthday: 5/1/1990
Gender: Female
Interests: racing, debating, listening to music, hanging out with friends, meeting new people
Message: message me
Member Since:
9/12/2003
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| I thought coming back to California for two weeks - one in SJ, one down south - would be a great idea. I would get to see my friends graduate, spend time with cousins I hadn't seen for 9 years and just kick back and relax in my home state. It would be the perfect summer vacation, the perfect thing to do before heading off to college and never seeing most of these people again.
But now that Leland's graduation is actually here, I almost don't want to go. The thought of seeing so many people I was once friends with, that I once cared about, walk across that stage, take photos with all their closest friends makes me want to run away. They don't know me anymore, no more than I can say that I know them. So why do I want to be part of their special day?
There are a few, a very small few, that I will follow around tonight like a hawk stalking prey. I will be so proud of them and so happy for them and I will glow for them. But in a class of about 400, that's hardly 1%.
I guess I realized this when I met up with some people for lunch yesterday and then hung out with those same people for a while after. I had good memories with all, dating back to 7th grade, but I still fit in with only a few. I could only relate to a few. Only not have to change who I am around few. Only have fun and laugh around a few. Just a few. It seems like everything in my life has come down to that word. A few. I have a few more weeks. I have a few close friends. I have a few more miles to go. I have a few pairs of shoes to walk in.
I just don't see the point anymore. I was looking forward to this trip so so so much. But for what? So I could see all those people I was once friends with one last time? There is no point in that! They care about me just as much as I care about them and that is not a lot.
I came to see the few.
I didn't cry at my graduation. I didn't cry during my last days of school. I didn't cry at my grad night. I didn't cry at any graduation parties. I know I will cry at Leland's graduation. Because I am going to see the few I still care about, still talk to, still have the closest friendships with walk across that stage.
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| They say I must post to keep my xanga. So consider this my post. I don't blog anymore. I don't use facebook or blogger or any other possible site you could. But I read these subs and I love email. So far it's been working for me. I have no plans to change that.
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| just keep putting one foot in front of the other. that's all you have to do. keep moving forward. don't stop. keep moving. no matter how long or how hard the journey is, you must keep putting one foot in front of the other.
it's so simple, yet perhaps one of the most difficult things to do.
lend me your strength, give me your support, help me put one foot in front of the other as i march to face this for i know i won't be able to attack this alone.
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| blogger > xanga. farewell.
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| congratulations.
we all managed to survive junior year. call me when you're all done bitching about your grades. maybe then we can talk about how i might be visiting and when that might take place. | | |
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